when all you want to do is disappear

For these past few months, I’ve been struggling.  I’ll be honest here: I have not been doing alright for a long time.  All I’ve wanted to do is disappear.  Just go to sleep and not wake up.  Doesn’t that sound lovely?

Here’s just a snap of what’s been going on with me:

  • I quit my job of three years and started working as a cook at a nursing home two months ago.
  • I started back at school a month and a half ago.  It’s been tough adjusting to it again.
  • I’ve been continuously hallucinating.  There hasn’t been a break for me  here yet.  The doctor even increased my medication to the highest milligram.  It’s not working, but I’m afraid of switching medication because what if the new one works even less?
  • I’ve been trying to be healthier.  I’ve started going to the gym- sporadically- and juicing- also sporadically.  I want to start meal prepping so I’m not eating all this junk food all the time.  We’ll see if that happens, though.

The past few months have been pretty hectic for me.  There’s been a lot going on, and writing is one of the  many things that haven’t been going on for me.  I’ve dropped all my hobbies as if they were hot potatoes.  I just have no interest in them.  Nada.  Zilch.  Something I need to work on.

I’m going to try to be better about taking care of myself.  This includes writing and exploring things inside me.  Ouch, that’s going to be painful.  I need to do something though, as I can’t keep going the way I’m going.


Here’s to hoping for a brighter future.


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