False Positive

 

It has been a VERY emotional weekend.

After weeks of throwing up, a missing period, and lots of wondering- I took a pregnancy test.  It was positive.  Pregnant.  Uh-oh.

This was NOT planned; I freaked out.  I have been on birth control for several years, never any problems.  And then this.  Needless to say, in the moment it was the scariest thing that could have happened.  This was Saturday; it is now Monday.

I went to the health department today to confirm my pregnancy.  Before they let me take a test, they had me sign up for Pregnancy Medicaid- which, by the way, makes no sense.  Shouldn’t it be the other way around?  Well anyway, after the sign-up process they took me back and had me pee in a little cup, and stick a test in it.  The result?  Negative.  Once again, I freaked out.

It’s not that I wanted to be pregnant.  I didn’t.  I was scared.  I wasn’t ready.  But I was a little bit excited.  I’ve always wanted a little baby of my own.

I cried.  When I got home and told my fiance, I cried some more.  Hard.  I threw a fit.  I was SO upset, and I don’t even know why.  Because I’m glad that I’m not pregnant; but at the same time, I’m a little sad.  I didn’t want to be pregnant, but I was getting used to the idea that I was.

The question that kept running through my mind was, why would it lie to me?  False positives are so rare, according to the internet.  My friend still thinks I’m pregnant and that I should get an ultrasound.  The health department wants me to get a blood test.  What do I want?  I’m not sure.

Something is definitely wrong.  It’s not normal to feel nauseous nearly every day, and throw up at least once every other day.  So if I’m not pregnant, what is wrong with me?

I have an appointment with a doctor on the 17th of this month to find out- but what will I find out?  Am I pregnant after all?  Or is it something else entirely?  My mom thinks my nausea is simply a side effect from all the medication I take, which is entirely possible.  But I’m not so sure.

After this weekend, I don’t know what to think.  It’s been an emotional roller coaster, and not the fun kind.  I’ve been happy, upset, sad, excited, mad, angry, and frustrated.  I’ve been hopeful, scared, ecstatic, and worried.  What am I right now?  I’m not entirely sure.

On the upside, I guess this was a wake-up call.  I’m not ready to have a baby, but excited about the idea.  The nurse at the health department even agreed- and said that now is a good time to start taking a multivitamin to prepare for when it actually happens.  But we’ll see where it goes from here.  We’ll see when I’m actually pregnant.

When the time comes, I’ll be ready.

When the time comes, I’ll be prepared.

And when the time comes, I’ll be so excited that I’ll jump over the moon.

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