Ball of Fury

I am angry.  I am an angry ball of fury.

I snap at the slightest mention of my name.  I explode at the mere thought of,.. anything.  But why am I so angry?  What is the matter with me?  Is anything the matter with me, at all?

I am allowed to be angry.  I think that’s worth repeating:  I am allowed to be angry.  Because so often I don’t allow myself to be angry.  I don’t allow myself to feel.  But a healthy human being feels anger every now and then; it’s completely natural.  So why do we cast such a negative light on it?

Anger.  Being angry.  Furious.  Aggravated.  Frustrated.  Irritated.  Mad.

All these emotions are being bundled into one big ball of negativity.  And once it is released, it bounces from person to person, from one thing to the next, all returning at once to,.. me.  I am the ball.  I am the anger.  I am the fury.

It all comes back to: why am I so angry?  What happened?  Well, according to Jessie, I have plenty of right to be angry.  I just thought I was pregnant, then wasn’t.  I just found out I’m diabetic.  I don’t have enough money to pay the bills.  And then some.

But to me,.. that doesn’t excuse the fact that my anger is affecting other people.  Well, person.  All my anger seems to be directed at Josia.  He’s getting all of it, because I snap at the slightest thing he does.  House dirty?  Josia.  Can’t get something right?  Josia.  Don’t have enough time?  Josia.  And on and on and on.

There just isn’t an end to all this anger.  And I’m so sick of it.  You’d think that just be being sick of something, you could change it.  But I think that I need to work through my anger first.  Because it’s caused by something, I just have to discover what it is.

What makes you angry?

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