on leaving

My counselor will be leaving at the end of the year.  Just like that, she’ll be gone and I’ll be left behind.  It’s nothing personal, I know that, but it still hurts.  I don’t want her to go.  I’m going to miss her so much.  Through the past few years of working with her, I’ve grown so much as a person with her help.  We’ve been through some tough times, and she’s been there for me throughout it all.  But now she’s leaving.  She knows basically everything about me.  All my hallucinations.  All my thoughts.  All the things that happen in my life.  Everything.  And now?  She’s leaving.

Jessie is leaving.  Going.  Gone.  I understand why she took the job offer closer to home, but it doesn’t make it any easier.  It’s taken years to build the trust between us, and I still struggle at times to share things with her.  So what’s going to happen to me?

I already have an appointment set up with my new counselor.  Amber.  I don’t know what to think to about all this.  I don’t want it to happen, but it is.  So I’m trying to approach it in a positive way.  I’m never going to forget Jessie, and all the things we accomplished together.  I will always have the memories we made.  I will always remember all the techniques that she shared with me.  She will forever be in my heart.

But she’ll still be leaving.  It’s hard.  I saw her today and could barely keep from bursting into tears.. even she teared up.  I never thought this would happen so soon.  Or ever, really.  I mean, realistically I knew that she wasn’t going to stay there forever, and that eventually I’d have a different counselor, but now?  I don’t like this one bit.

She’s leaving.  Going.  Gone.

But she’ll forever be in my life.


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